Restart

<html><head><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Lora|Oleo+Script">\n</head></html><html><div id="hang"><img src="tomato_posterised.jpg"></div></html>Tomatoes develop from flower ovaries, and contain the seeds of the plant. This makes a tomato a fruit, botanically speaking. For most of us the culinary classification is more useful though: a tomato is a vegetable.\n\nPeople create boxes and hierarchies for many different purposes, but it's always one of many possible simplifications of reality. No one is supposed to kid themselves the classification is //real//, certainly not in an infallible way.\n\nIf someone tries to tell you you're wrong for calling a tomato a vegetable they are (a) being a smartarse; and (b) widely [[missing the point|hung]] of what classification is for.\n\n\n<html><div id="credit">‹Image credit: <a href="http://www.pachd.com">www.pachd.com</a>›</div></html>
<html><head><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Lora|Oleo+Script">\n</head></html>“Woman” doesn't feel right, but “man” is no better. It's unlikely anyone would assume I'm a man, but sometimes I'm grateful for a change even if it means swapping one false label for another. My partner calls me man sometimes, in a casual “hey, man” sort of way. It's oddly comforting. He knows the label isn't true; it's more like a game between us.\n\nI don't have strong preferences for any particular pronouns, but the occasional he would break up the never-ending chorus of she's, which would be kind of nice I think. [[Singular they|they]] is fine, too.\n\nI grew up more comfortable associating with boys than girls. I understand the reasons better now, but I still struggle to trust and form bonds with women. I'm working on it.\n\nMy internalised sexism doesn't make me a man.\n\n<<if $counter eq 6>>[[Wipe “man” off the mirror|tomato]]<<else>>[[Wipe “man” off the mirror|hangman]]<<endif>>
<<silently>>\n<<set $counter = $counter + 1>>\n<<set $woman = "visited">>\n<<endsilently>><html><head><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Lora|Oleo+Script">\n</head></html>It's not in fashion to like your body but I generally do, even down to the little cellulite dimples on my thighs. My bathroom mirror extends all the way along the wall, so you can watch yourself as you shower. I love that mirror.\n\nMy weight and body composition keep changing, back and forth. Different shapes, curves I've never seen before that I get to recognise as part of myself. I still think of myself as a B-cup but I'm really not. I puzzle over the differences between self-image and reality, but I'm one of the lucky ones who was never dragged too far down by it.\n\nMy body, usually dressed in feminine clothes, is how [[others label me|sex]] a woman. It's an understandable default assumption, but doesn't feel right. I can't explain it much better than that, I hope “doesn't feel right” will be enough for people.\n\nI don't have physical dysphoria, but that doesn't make me a woman.\n\n<<if $counter eq 6>>[[Wipe “woman” off the mirror|tomato]]<<else>>[[Wipe “woman” off the mirror|hangman]]<<endif>>
<html><head><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Lora|Oleo+Script">\n</head></html>It's not in fashion to like your body but I generally do, even down to the little cellulite dimples on my thighs. My bathroom mirror extends all the way along the wall, so you can watch yourself as you shower. I love that mirror.\n\nMy weight and body composition keep changing, back and forth. Different shapes, curves I've never seen before that I get to recognise as part of myself. I still think of myself as a B-cup but I'm really not. I puzzle over the differences between self-image and reality, but I'm one of the lucky ones who was never dragged too far down by it.\n\nMy body, usually dressed in feminine clothes, is how [[others label me|sex]] a woman. It's an understandable default assumption, but doesn't feel right. I can't explain it much better than that, I hope “doesn't feel right” will be enough for people.\n\nI don't have physical dysphoria, but that doesn't make me a woman.\n\n<<if $counter eq 6>>[[Wipe “woman” off the mirror|tomato]]<<else>>[[Wipe “woman” off the mirror|hangman]]<<endif>>
History.prototype.originalDisplay = History.prototype.display;\n\nHistory.prototype.display = function (title, link, render)\n{\n if ((render != 'quietly') && (render != 'offscreen'))\n removeChildren($('passages'));\n \n this.originalDisplay.apply(this, arguments);\n};
<<silently>>\n<<set $counter = $counter + 1>>\n<<set $lover = "visited">>\n<<endsilently>><html><head><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Lora|Oleo+Script">\n</head></html>I can't use the term “straight” to describe my sexuality any more – what does it even mean? I liked “androphilic” in theory, but there's a lot of [[baggage and bullshit|andro]] associated with that label once you look into it. Still, doesn't it make more sense to describe attraction in terms of what you like instead of whether it's similar to you? \n\nI could just say I'm into men, of course. I do have to over-complicate things sometimes.\n\n“Lover” is a positive aspect of my life, but not when other people's assumptions are piled on top of it. Relationships combine two or more unique personalities, and so are arguably even more individual than people.\n\n(I don't really think people work like numbers, but I enjoy the way that sentence sounds too much to delete it. My underlying point still stands.)\n\n<<if $counter eq 6>>[[Wipe “lover” off the mirror|tomato]]<<else>>[[Wipe “lover” off the mirror|hangman]]<<endif>>
<<silently>>\n<<set $counter = $counter + 1>>\n<<set $coworker = "visited">>\n<<endsilently>><html><head><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Lora|Oleo+Script">\n</head></html>I worked in a field that attracts left-leaning people who would consider themselves welcoming and accepting to queer people, and mostly they were.\n\nTrans jokes still happened occasionally though, because they aren't like real people I guess. I would walk out of the office, even before I fully understood my discomfort. I just needed to get out of there.\n\nI'm worried about ever finding a workplace where I'll feel comfortable. I'm worried even about feeling up to applying for jobs again.\n\n<<if $counter eq 6>>[[Wipe “co-worker” off the mirror|tomato]]<<else>>[[Wipe “co-worker” off the mirror|hangman]]<<endif>>
<html><head><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Lora|Oleo+Script">\n</head></html>I can't use the term “straight” to describe my sexuality any more – what does it even mean? I liked “androphilic” in theory, but there's a lot of [[baggage and bullshit|andro]] associated with that label once you look into it. Still, doesn't it make more sense to describe attraction in terms of what you like instead of whether it's similar to you? \n\nI could just say I'm into men, of course. I do have to over-complicate things sometimes.\n\n“Lover” is a positive aspect of my life, but not when other people's assumptions are piled on top of it. Relationships combine two or more unique personalities, and so are arguably even more individual than people.\n\n(I don't really think people work like numbers, but I enjoy the way that sentence sounds too much to delete it. My underlying point still stands.)\n\n<<if $counter eq 6>>[[Wipe “lover” off the mirror|tomato]]<<else>>[[Wipe “lover” off the mirror|hangman]]<<endif>>
<html><head><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Lora|Oleo+Script">\n</head></html>“My body, usually dressed in feminine clothes, is how others label me a woman”\n\nThis confuses sex (chromosomes, physical traits) and gender expression (choice of clothes) with gender identity (sense of self).\n\nThis is an important distinction, but I worry about explaining myself in this way in case anyone tries to apply my personal situation more broadly. I'm happy to consider myself female, but for another person this could be insulting and dismissive. A body is still part of an identity, and everyone treats that differently.\n\n[[Back|woman2]]\n\n
<html><head><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Lora|Oleo+Script">\n</head></html>If you really want to know why “androphilic” worries me there's a blog post <html><a href="http://zagria.blogspot.com.au/2010/11/word-androphilic.html">here</a></html>. Open that link in a new tab if you don't want to have to start over.\n\n[[Back|lover2]]
<<silently>>\n<<set $counter = 0>>\n<<set $woman = "unvisited">>\n<<set $man = "unvisited">>\n<<set $trans = "unvisited">>\n<<set $job = "unvisited">>\n<<set $coworker = "unvisited">>\n<<set $lover = "unvisited">>\n<<endsilently>><html><head><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Lora|Oleo+Script">\n</head></html><html><div id="hang"><img src="bathroom_posterised.jpg"></div></html>Labels don't matter much, until they really do. Often they're a way of figuring myself out. Patterns other people have left for me to try on and see if they fit. So many things I can be and do.\n\nBut I would also like to be able to explain myself to other people. It feels good to be recognised, and understood in some small way.\n\nScrawl a thought on the mirror with your finger.\n\nI am… [[a woman|woman]] ● [[transgender|trans]] ● [[an employee|job]] ● [[a co-worker|coworker]] ● [[a lover|lover]]\n\n<html>\n<img src="hang1.jpg" style="visibility:hidden; width:0px; height:0px;">\n<img src="hang2.jpg" style="visibility:hidden; width:0px; height:0px;">\n<img src="hang3.jpg" style="visibility:hidden; width:0px; height:0px;">\n<img src="hang4.jpg" style="visibility:hidden; width:0px; height:0px;">\n<img src="hang5.jpg" style="visibility:hidden; width:0px; height:0px;">\n<img src="hang6.jpg" style="visibility:hidden; width:0px; height:0px;">\n<img src="tomato_posterised.jpg" style="visibility:hidden; width:0px; height:0px;">\n</html>
<<silently>>\n<<set $counter = $counter + 1>>\n<<set $job = "visited">>\n<<endsilently>><html><head><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Lora|Oleo+Script">\n</head></html>“You're an intelligent, beautiful young woman…”\n                  – My former boss' idea of career encouragement.\n\nI never confronted my boss, but I thought about doing it an awful lot. One of my life's missed opportunities, if only I were a better communicator.\n\nHe supports hiring more women, which is great, but because they provide such a //different perspective// which is less great. The sort of person who talked about a visiting scientist as an <html>“</html>inspiring female scientist and role model to women<html>”</html> where a man of similar experience would be <html>“</html>a giant in the field<html>”</html>. You other her; you diminish her.\n\nIf those gender boxes are so distinct I don't belong anywhere.\n\n<<if $counter eq 6>>[[Wipe “employee” off the mirror|tomato]]<<else>>[[Wipe “employee” off the mirror|hangman]]<<endif>>
<html><head><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Lora|Oleo+Script">\n</head></html><<if $counter eq 1>><html><div id="hang"><img src="hang1.jpg"></div></html><<endif>><<if $counter eq 2>><html><div id="hang"><img src="hang2.jpg"></div></html><<endif>><<if $counter eq 3>><html><div id="hang"><img src="hang3.jpg"></div></html><<endif>><<if $counter eq 4>><html><div id="hang"><img src="hang4.jpg"></div></html><<endif>><<if $counter eq 5>><html><div id="hang"><img src="hang5.jpg"></div></html><<endif>><<if $counter eq 1>>Let's try something else.<<endif>><<if $counter eq 2>>Hmm, what next?<<endif>><<if $counter eq 3>>Something else.<<endif>><<if $counter eq 4>>Try again.<<endif>><<if $counter eq 5>>Just one more.<<endif>>\n\nScrawl a thought on the mirror with your finger.\n\nI am… <<if $woman eq "unvisited">>[[a woman|woman]]<<else>><html><strike>a woman</strike></html><<endif>> ● <<if $man eq "unvisited" and $woman eq "visited">>[[a man|man]] ● <<endif>><<if $man eq "visited">><html><strike>a man</strike></html> ● <<endif>><<if $trans eq "unvisited">>[[transgender|trans]]<<else>><html><strike>transgender</strike></html><<endif>> ● <<if $job eq "unvisited">>[[an employee|job]]<<else>><html><strike>an employee</strike></html><<endif>> ● <<if $coworker eq "unvisited">>[[co-worker|coworker]]<<else>><html><strike>a co-worker</strike></html><<endif>> ● <<if $lover eq "unvisited">>[[a lover|lover]]<<else>><html><strike>a lover</strike></html><<endif>>
<html><head><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Lora|Oleo+Script">\n</head></html>Yes, there are other gender neutral pronouns. “They” seems good enough for me and I don't know anyone who uses these other words, so I haven't needed to get them straight in my head. I would if they mattered to someone I know.\n\n[[Back|man2]]
Fogged Up Mirror
<html><head><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Lora|Oleo+Script">\n</head><html><div id="hang"><img src="hang6.jpg"></div></html>If a classification doesn't fit reality it's the labels that need to adapt, not the other way around. When people are being dragged down by terminology something is very wrong.\n\nKnowing a person as an individual will always be the most important thing but grouping words have their uses too. I'd love it if they weren't so often prescriptive and full of shit.\n\nThank you for playing ♥
by Cha Holland <html><a href="http://www.twitter.com/shallow_depths">@shallow_depths</html>
<<silently>>\n<<set $counter = $counter + 1>>\n<<set $trans = "visited">>\n<<endsilently>><html><head><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Lora|Oleo+Script">\n</head></html>“What do you know about what it means to be trans?”\n                  – Imaginary conversation in my head.\n\nTransgender can be used as an umbrella term for anyone who doesn't fit conventional ideas about gender roles, but I'm wary of co-opting an identity without having to experience the struggles that go along with it.\n\nI can walk down the street without fear of being judged for my identity or appearance. Well, if I flashed my hairy armpits that might not be true, but I'm no more judged than the average cisgendered woman.\n\nInvisibility sucks, but it's nothing compared to living surrounded by constant tangible danger. I have no idea what that's like.\n\nI do throw around other terms when I need them, like genderqueer or non-binary gender, which seem fine to me. But when I was looking for advice about feeling less invisible, or at least less grumpy about being invisible, I received labelling advice instead. You'd understand yourself so much better if you'd just look up term X!\n\n<<if $counter eq 6>>[[Wipe “transgender” off the mirror|tomato]]<<else>>[[Wipe “transgender” off the mirror|hangman]]<<endif>>
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<<silently>>\n<<set $counter = $counter + 1>>\n<<set $man = "visited">>\n<<endsilently>><html><head><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="http://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Lora|Oleo+Script">\n</head></html>“Woman” doesn't feel right, but “man” is no better. It's unlikely anyone would assume I'm a man, but sometimes I'm grateful for a change even if it means swapping one false label for another. My partner calls me man sometimes, in a casual “hey, man” sort of way. It's oddly comforting. He knows the label isn't true; it's more like a game between us.\n\nI don't have strong preferences for any particular pronouns, but the occasional he would break up the never-ending chorus of she's, which would be kind of nice I think. [[Singular they|they]] is fine, too.\n\nI grew up more comfortable associating with boys than girls. I understand the reasons better now, but I still struggle to trust and form bonds with women. I'm working on it.\n\nMy internalised sexism doesn't make me a man.\n\n<<if $counter eq 6>>[[Wipe “man” off the mirror|tomato]]<<else>>[[Wipe “man” off the mirror|hangman]]<<endif>>